You Need These 3 People!

Most of our relationships fall into three categories that can be instrumental in maintaining your MESH (mental, emotional, and spiritual health). All are important, but they have different functions, fulfill different needs, and require something different from you. Evaluate your relationships and see if you have these three kinds of people in your life.

“The Consumer”

You have something to offer and someone needs that from you. Some of those individuals are consumers. A consumer may make a connection, a minimal investment, or simply attract your attention to get what they want/need from you. Because you are a rock star, you provide your support, time, energy, and resources. You give without the expectation of return. After all, some or most of your consumers are not able to return the favor and certainly not in the ways you provide for them. While consumers will eventually exhaust what you have to offer, helping them can be a very fulfilling and joyful experience.

An example of a consumer may include an advisee, mentee, student, employee, child, client or patient, a potential suitor, elderly neighbor or relative, individuals with disabilities, or the homeless.

“The Pusher”

When you’re working with a consumer, you are operating as a pusher. However, every pusher needs a pusher. The pusher is not necessarily someone with more degrees than you or someone older. This person may not even have the same profession or relationship status. However, they have something to offer that you do not or they have more of something that you need. This person is the one who pushes you beyond your comfort zone. They see some things in you that sometimes you are not aware exists. They can see beyond now, even when you don’t.  They help prevent pitfalls you would have been trapped in, if not for their foresight and/or past experience. They inspire, support, and give. What you can offer to them is not their motivation for the relationship. Seeing you thrive is a fulfillment in and of itself. They are not looking to compete with you, but to make you better. This is the kind of MESH you want to get caught up in!

An example of a pusher may include an advisor, mentor, spiritual leader, parent, coach, supervisor, trainer, instructor, tutor, or therapist.

“The Refresher”

This is a relationship in which both parties mutually benefit. There is an even exchange of giving and receiving. You may be able to offer someone your expertise on fashion and they may be able to offer their expertise in saving. It might not be the same service, but if it is of value for the both of you, then it’s an even exchange. Sometimes this partnership will function in pusher/consumer roles. In this case, there is an even exchange as you two alternate between who will function in which role for a particular situation.

The refresher relationship is one where you can let your hair down. Be vulnerable, be who you really are, engage in mindless activities, and/or just have fun without feeling any obligation. You don’t have to be alert or make extravagant preparations. You can just “be.”

An example of a refresher may include a spouse, significant other, close friends, vacation buddies, colleague, or business partner.

Consider This

As you evaluate your relationships, take the following into consideration:

• Don’t allow a consumer to have refresher access. Set and maintain appropriate boundaries.

• Don’t spend all of your time with consumers only. This will drain your MESH and will eventually limit your effectiveness in your relationships.

• Take time to refresh with your refresher(s). 

• Take advantage of what your pusher has and is willing to provide to you. This will also help replenish you so you can be more effective when working with consumers.

• Be sure there is a reasonable balance between the number of people you have in your life that are consumers, refreshers, and pushers.

• Re-categorize people when they no longer fit into their original category.

• If a relationship does not fit into any of these categories, “it” is not worth your MESH!

The Consumer, Pusher, and Refresher each have a way of adding to your life. By fostering these kinds of relationships, you are investing in yourself while making a significant impact on someone else’s life. You will become not only a giver, but you will also be a receiver.